Hello ITV? Is anybody home?

The ITV Christmas holidays started very early this year it would seem. While they've clearly been off spending their extortionate bonuses (curtsey of DFS paying them squillions of pounds to increase their daily advert rate to half a million), we've been stuck in our sitting rooms (on our now half price sofas), horrifically admiting that the BBC has, for the first time in recorded history, actually got the best quality output.
The BBC. Who saw fit recently to quiz its own Director General on 'Newsnight', regarding the acceptibility of comedian's jokes on BBC2 show, 'Mock the Week,' by having presenter Emily Maitlis quote: 'I'm now so old, my pussy is haunted.'
As this was part of the 'Scenes We'd Like to See' round of said show, under the heading: Things the Queen Would Never Say in a Christmas Speech, I can't personally see the issue.
Although, the Newsnight and Mock the Week Episodes were transmitted before Christmas, so I think it would have been golden if the Queen had said this in her speech, prompting the arival of Casper the Friendly (and moderately disturbed) Ghost from between her legs, particularly if it would shut up Emily Maitlis, the press, and every other corduroy wearing, middle-aged Conservative supporter, who didn't learn to keep their opinions to themselves the week after Jonathan Ross was suspended when they sat down to their Friday night TV and found...
'ITV: Miss Marple.'
Nothing on TV.
Of course we've had the usual line up of Christmas films - the Snowman curiously not making an apperance this year, possibly linked with Gary Glitter's re-entry into Britain, not to mention the endless repeats, and the usual tact of Chanel 4 to air a show, on Christmas Day, which aimed to prove the nativity was a load of s@?#
But while the BBC have offered us such treats as the BlackAdder Reunion, Doctor Who and Jonathan Creek, looking at the ITV schedule this year was rather like looking at a wallrus trying to swim on dry land: slow progress and pitiful to watch.

Love Torpedo? More like Love Shock.

It's taken me some time to find an appropriate and fitting name for my blog.

So for the more innocent minded among you who are wondering, just what does this term, 'love torpedo' mean, well here's the answer to your prayers, curtsey of our friend the Urban Dictionary.




Lmao tommorow at 10 oclock, Karl reads the speeches of Hitler in Michael Jackson's voice. Lol.

Out and Out.

What a Joke

Oh what an ironic day to begin a blog. It's been one of my days, by which I mean one of those few, special days, in which I generally make a dick of myself. Also included on this very exclusive list are the day when I died my hair black to become a pirate, and ended up looking like a minstrel when the dye ran all over my face, and perhaps more spectacularly the day when I walked home from college with fake blood still running down my face.

There is no end to the amount of small children whose innocent lives I have ruined today by walking home as the Joker. Hmm.

On another point, welcome to the ole' blog, this is generally where I will attempt to give you wee souls a little bit of cheap entertainment at least once a day, and hopefully put a smile on your faces (no Joker related pun intended).